What is the worst thing you've ever done to another human?

Sent a girl I knew at Uni a present for her birthday party. Knew she'd open it at the party.

It was a "pass the parcel" style present, wrapped in about 8 layers of wrapping paper. There were rumours she was a lesbian and she was really aggressive, and had cock blocked me in 1st year, stopping me from getting with an incredibly hot French/Swedish girl I was infatuated with, just because she fancied her (I think), and started spreading malicious rumours about me (that I had tried to get in to their student house when they were all asleep)

Watched as her fat dungareed face shone with delight as she unravelled each layer of wrapping paper, shrieking with excitement as she delved deeper and deeper into the pile of multi coloured delights.

The very last layer was wrapped in pictures of attractive women/celebrities cut from Heat/Hello magazine, which she laughed her portly, red gob off over, then she unwrapped it to reveal the coup de grace.

A piece of card with the words "FAT LEZZER" written on it in tampons stuck on with super glue)

I felt bad the moment she started WAILING, and I do mean wailing, right in the middle of her party. She made everyone go home. We all carried on to the pub and had a great night without her.

I'm not even sorry

Odd things that you do when alone

Sometimes when I'm cooking I pretend I'm a TV chef, and talk to myself as I prepare the food.

''ok so now I'm going to add 2 eggs and flour, and fold in the butter....then we're going to pour it into the baking tray and pop it in the oven....'' (20 minutes later) .......''ooook and heres one we made earlier''


I like to dance my way into rooms


I  like to shout my dogs name then look away ignoring it, making him feel stupid. Recently one of our neighbors caught me banging on the window and giving the cat a wanker gesture when it looked.

What's the most excruciating thing you've ever experienced?

Dislocated my hip playing rugby...looked a little like this

Imagine someone holding your body and puling your leg out of the socket and then waiting half an hour for the ambulance, got the maximum dosage of morphine for a child under 16 though


Or coming down from a bad acid trip

The come down after 5 days on Morphine after having all four wisdom teeth out in the one session (which also entailed the dentist having to break my jaw to get the bottom ones out) was pretty horrific....

But the worst has to be when I caught Anterior Uveitis, basically the Iris of my left eye stuck to the Lens and therefore couldn't close in daylight, the headaches were excruciating, all treatments weren't working and after two weeks the hospital took the last option of injecting a fluid into my eye, no aneasthetic, needle into eyeball... pain like you can never imagine.. I fainted...

Glitches in the Matrix

Today I was playing Football Manager and clicked on Steven Gerrard's profile, did a quick scan of his personal page where his agent's name was given as Adam Brooks. At that exact moment BBC News cut to one of their reporters, whose name was Adam Brooks.

A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to a friend who had just been to a job interview. He said one of the questions was,' what's the most impressive thing you have ever done?' He said jokingly, (to me not at the interview) I had 8 wanks in a day once. Later that day at the pub he was talking about it, and said that question that they asked. Another guy, who had absolutely no way of knowing, said, what did you say, that you had 8 wanks in a day? Literally word for word. What are the chances of that? Plus, just after we first had the conversation we were walking down the street talking about some random girl we both hadn't seen for ages and we looked up and she was walking towards us.. and this is in the center of Dublin not some small town.

I look at the clock 13:37 every day, without fail.


I call my entire life shenanigans designed by sentient machines. I want out. Anyone have similar experiences?

The Future Is Now! (new inventions that are amazing)

Artificial Solar Leaf

 

An artificial leaf that mimics the process of photosynthesis. This technology broke news a few weeks ago and will possibly change the world.

One can envision villages in India and Africa not long from now purchasing an affordable basic power system based on this technology,” Nocera said

Printing A Human Kidney

A 3D printer that uses living cells to output a transplantable kidney. Using similar technology, Dr. Atala's young patient Luke Massella received an engineered bladder 10 years ago.

Human Exoskeletons

Eythor Bender of Berkeley Bionics brings onstage two amazing exoskeletons, HULC and eLEGS -- robotic add-ons that could one day allow a human to carry 200 pounds without tiring, or allow a wheelchair user to stand and walk

Flexible Transistors

This technology will completely change the computing/digital world as we know it once fully developed. Devices that were once specialized: GPS, television, home computers, cell phones, PC's, game systems, paper and pencil, schoolbooks and more will all be packaged in one device and this technology is key to that end.

Brain-Machine Interface

A machine and human cooperation beyond today's borders. The potential applications for this seem almost endless. Pretty surreal to think they are working on technology we can control with our thoughts. I mean, really? That sounds like something only found in science fiction

Bio-Gel Fridge

This fridge makes use of a special gel-like substance to keep your food cold and fresh. The substance is odorless and non-sticky so you can put things in and take them out just as they were, without having any additional greens on your food.

I'm At The Bus Stop.....

The place I work I get a lift home now and again from one of the blokes that worked there, he has a red Montego if I remember correctly. Anyway I'm at the bus stop and a red Montego pulls up alongside, me thinking it was this bloke didn't think twice, got into the car and sat down, looked up at a total stranger who then asked me for directions to some place or other, thing is I didn't apologise or explain my mistake, just gave him the directions and then got out the car as if it was the most natural thing in the world, God knows what he thought of me.

Things That Live Up To The Hype

HD TV - Didn't really appericate this until last week when for some unknown reason we had 2 tvs showing the Real Madrid - Barcelona game, one in HD the other in standard. The difference is unreal. Point is you really need to see them side by side to appreciate.


Berlin - Massive expectations when I went there for the first time on account of the way people raved about it, I was there for a week and loved every second of it.


Leo Messi - Was labelled the next Maradona. He is now much better than Diego ever was. He has exceeded hype.


Kanye West's newest album - Hyped by every critic and the man himself, and then became my favourite album of last year.


Anyone else have any examples of stuff that lives up to the hype?

Moments Of Culinary Shame

Got home one night with a extreme case of the munchies. My fat roommate had eaten us out of house and home. All that was left was a tin of corned beef.

Went to open it and saw that the key was missing. Tried to use a carving knife to cut the end off, failed miserably, knife slipped off the tin and sliced my finger open. Undeterred I dressed my gaping bloody wound with a bus ticket and continued to eat the corned beef by forcing a single chopstick into the small hole I had managed to make and eating what I could scrape out on the end of the chopstick.



Another night I really had bad munchies.

All I had was half a cabbage. I ate it all.

The worst thing was that after I'd finished I took a swig of cola and my mouth felt like it was exploding with hot sharp knives.

Holiday Stories

My family use to go to a place in Spain called Mojacar for two weeks pretty much every summer, there were a few families who like us used to go every year who we were friendly with after the many summers spent together. There was this one girl who had properly developed over the last year since I saw her and decided it was my mission to lose my virginity to her that summer (just like an American pie movie lolz) so after a few days of flirting we had arranged to go swimming. Well I got to the pool a little late and just assumed she was already inside and after a quick look around I thought I saw her, she didn't see me, so I thought it would be a right laugh to sneak up on her and push her in the pool.

So I went into full stealth mode, jumping over sun loungers to get into position and found what I thought was the best angle and pounced, ran at her full pelt and launched her into the middle of the pool. I burst out laughing at what I thought was a brilliant bit of mischief when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I turned around... it was her... the girl I just pushed into the pool... well, at least the girl I thought I had just pushed into the pool...

"Why did you just push that girl into the pool!?"

I froze, this girl looked the spitting image of the girl I was trying to do the dirty with from behind, even had the same bikini and it was at this moment she surfaced... to make matters worse, she was on the phone at the time, which was now ruined.

I felt sick and had no idea what to say and unfortunately all that came out of my mouth was

"She should have watched where she was going..."

I then made a swift exit and ended up going for a long walk on my own out of shame and refused to go back to the pool ever again..

Tales Of How A Nickname Came To Be Born

My mate's called uzi as he has a wandering eye

As in 'uzi looking at?'

Some idiot in a bar called him it one day looking for a fight but it was so good we all just fell about laughing and the idiot walked off, bemused.




Another one of my mate's from school was a bit of a film buff and was famous for his massive collection of DVDs and legally obtained movies...... Another one of our mates went round to his house for the first time and upon noticing this vast collection of films the following exchange occurred:

'Jesus mate, you've got loads of films'
'Yeah I know'
'Do you mind if I bring my external round to copy some of them'
'Erm...I do actually mate, who the fuck is Mike Sternal I don't even know him'

Film guy is now regularly referred to as Mike Sternal.

Amazing Ending In Sport!

First video is Wales vs Ireland in The 6 Nations 2009. Ireland hadn't won the Grand Slam in 61 years, here is the last five minutes of that game:

Next video is the Gold Medal Basketball match between the USSR and USA at the 1972 Summer Olympics:

Inter Milan vs Sampdoria in the 04/05 Serie A season. Inter were 2-0 down with 5 minutes to go:

Lewis Hamilton going to the drivers championship is 2008. last race of the season he needed at least 5th to top the table. He stopped for wet tyres on lap 66 - a decision that could have cost him the title. It dropped him to fifth place behind Glock, with Vettel right behind him.Vettel pushed Hamilton hard and passed him with two laps to go, leading to the nail-biting finish:

Its the Champions League Finial in 1999, Bayern Munich are 1-0 against Man Utd. Its just gone into the 90th minute then this happens:

Brushes With The Law

When I was 17 and on holiday in Germany, I was on a night out in town with a few of the lads. Once we'd left the Irish bar (shithole of a place, but everyone else loved it), everyone was dillydallying about where to go next and I was desperate for a piss. When a decision didn't seem to be forthcoming, I nipped down the nearest side alley.

Once back with the group, they'd come to a conclusion and we moved on. Just as I was going through the door, I felt a hand on my shoulder which I just shrugged off. However, one of the doormen stopped me and turned me around, to see two of Germany's finest asking me outside for a chat. Turned out that they weren't too happy with me taking a piss down the side of the street, not so much for the fact that it was anti-social, more for the fact that the building I'd relieved myself on was their station.

They took my details. I spent the next month waiting for a letter from the Stadt Polizei to drop onto the doormat, and beating my parents to the post each and every time it arrived. After that I realised that it was unlikely that anything would arise.

Barnsley (I think, some lower league mob anyway) had just humbled Liverpool out of the F.A. Cup with a last-gasp winner. Me and a few friends, drunk on the romance of the cup and alcohol, decided that this would be an opportune time to have a kickabout ourselves. Only slight problem was that I was living in Taipei at the time, a city not renowned for its open spaces. Plus it was gone midnight.

Cue us breaking into a primary school to have a game in the playground . What made it worse was that this was the first time I'd kicked a ball in months due to a fairly serious ankle injury . 15 minutes later about half a dozen of Taipei's finest arrive, most armed with cameras to record us and one big fat prick armed only with bad English and an incredibly angry demeanour. Carted off to the station and only let out a few hours later. Our team had a game the next morning at 9.30am which we somehow didn't lose despite most of the team severely lacking in sleep.

Tales Of Interview Woes

My worst interview was a group assessment for teaching English in Taiwan. My group comprised of students and recent graduates (about 20-21 years old) had half an hour to come up with a lesson plan. Straight away some prick decides he's the boss and decides for us that we're doing it on London landmarks. Being the only one from London, we look to him to come up with ideas beyond Big fucking Ben, red buses and parliament. He’s stumped. Two more decide they're now the leaders so the half an hour is spent as an apprentice-style power struggle between three gobshites, with me and the other fella trying desperately to keep us on topic and within the allotted time. Thankfully someone was assessing all of this...

Eventually got some crap written down but we didn't have time to decide what we were presenting - then we had to present in front of 20-odd people. I had no idea what I was presenting and I really, really wanted the job so I was nervous as hell. Of course, the gobshites presented perfectly while I was a gibbering wreck. The other lad was left with about 5 words to say at the end. I was nearly sick after the assessment and was absolutely gutted with how it had gone.

Then came the interview where they asked us how the group assessment went. In a dignified way I built the group up, concentrated on the strengths and shit sandwiched the fuck out of it by saying what I would have done differently, got the ideas I didn't have time to express out of the way then went on to give the interview of my life and passed the assessment.

Another experience,  I'm certain I was denied a few interviews as I once sent about 50 copies of my CV to various law firms where I had opened my personal statement "I am a confident, outgoing individual who enjoys a challenge and is not afraid to shirk responsibility." I've no idea why I wrote that or how I failed to pick up on it upon proof-reading, but my housemate at the time spotted it a couple of weeks later when I voiced to him my confusion as to why no-one had contacted me yet about an interview.

Not sure how true this is but it makes me laugh so I'll post it. A mate of mine is a recruitment consultant, he tells me that mental candidates are the biggest positive of the job

According to him he once sent a candidate for an interview with Barcap in London.

"Do you have a new suit?" He asked the candidate, "Oh yes, I've just got mine back from the dry cleaners."
"Brilliant" He answered "Wear that suit, try and look professional"

Client calls to give him feedback

"Well, it was a new experience"

"Why?" He answered "You've interviewed loads of my candidates"

"But none of them ever wore a Tuxedo to the interview before"

Stories Of Your Failures When Trying To Get Some

Drunk as a 14 yr old and trying to grope the tits of a bird I knew before being sick on myself and having to be collected by my dad to whom I uttered the words "carry me daddy". This always gets a good laugh when its brought up at Christmas.



Young teenager. Chasing a girl for ages, finally get in there and we arrange to hang out at mine

Me: "By the way my parents are decorating so we'll have to hang out in my room"

Her: "Oh right, well I don't wanna get in the way. Lets just go bowling"



I think one of my worst is when I was about 17 on a night out, bumped into a girl that I did a few weeks before. It all ended pretty nasty because she claimed to be pregnant (I didn't wrap up as I had no johnnys, she didn't complain). Anyway, we were getting on in the club but it didn't lead to anything. By the end of the night, I had not seen any action and as I'd known this girl from a young age, I knew where she lived and I knew that she'd be walking home... So I took it upon myself to pretend to be sleeping on the streets on her route home in the vain hope that she'd see me, feel sorry for me and then sleep with me. Instead what actually happened was that she walked back with her friends... They saw me, laughed at me and then mocked me.

Then to top it off, I had to walk 6 miles home.

Creepy Good Reads on Wikipedia

Bloop Noise

The Bloop is the name given to an ultra-low frequency and extremely powerful underwater sound detected by the U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) in 1997. The source of the sound remains unknown.

Number Stations

Numbers stations (or number stations) are shortwave radio stations of uncertain origin. In the 1950s, Time magazine reported that the numbers stations first appeared shortly after the war (World War II) and were using a format that had been used to send weather data during that war.
Numbers stations generally broadcast artificially generated voices reading streams of numbers, words, letters (sometimes using a spelling alphabet), tunes or Morse code. They are in a wide variety of languages and the voices are usually female, although sometimes men's or children's voices are used.

Dyatlov Pass Incident

The Dyatlov Pass incident refers to an event that resulted in the deaths of nine ski hikers in the northern Ural mountains on the night of February 2, 1959. It happened on the east shoulder of the mountain Kholat Syakhl The mountain pass where the incident occurred has since been named Dyatlov Pass after the group's leader, Igor Dyatlov

The lack of eyewitnesses and subsequent investigations into the hikers' deaths have inspired much speculation. Investigators at the time determined that the hikers tore open their tent from within, departing barefoot in heavy snow. Though the corpses showed no signs of struggle, two victims had fractured skulls, two had broken ribs, and one was missing her tongue. According to sources, four of the victims' clothing contained substantial levels of radiation. There is no mention of this in contemporary documentation; it only appears in later documents. Soviet investigators determined only that "a compelling unknown force" had caused the deaths. Access to the area was barred for skiers and other adventurers for three years after the incident. The chronology of the incident remains unclear due to the lack of survivors.

   

Lead Mask Case

The Lead Masks Case was the name given to the events which led to the death of two Brazilian electronic technicians: Manoel Pereira da Cruz and Miguel José Viana. Their bodies were discovered on August 20, 1966.

Wow! Signal

The Wow! signal was a strong narrowband radio signal detected by Dr. Jerry R. Ehman on August 15, 1977, while working on a SETI project at the Big Ear radio telescope of The Ohio State University. The signal bore expected hallmarks of potential non-terrestrial and non-solar system origin. It lasted for the full 72-second duration that Big Ear observed it, but has not been detected again. Much attention has been focused on it in the media when talking about SETI results.
Amazed at how closely the signal matched the expected signature of an interstellar signal in the antenna used, Ehman circled the signal on the computer printout and wrote the comment "Wow!" on its side. This comment became the name of the signal.

Valentich Disappearance 

This video has some extracts of the radio transmission

The Valentich disappearance describes an event on 21 October 1978 when 20-year-old Frederick Valentich disappeared in unknown circumstances while piloting a Cessna 182L light aircraft over Bass Strait, Australia. His intention was to land at King Island, pick up three or four friends there, and return to Moorabbin Airport.

During the 127 Nautical mile (235 km) private flight, Valentich advised Melbourne air traffic control he was being accompanied by an aircraft about 1,000 feet above him. He described unusual actions and features of the aircraft, reported that his engine had begun running roughly, and finally reported that "That strange aircraft is hovering on top of me again. It is hovering and it's not an aircraft".

No trace of Valentich or his aircraft was ever found, and a Department of Transport investigation concluded that the reason for the disappearance could not be determined.
There were numerous belated reports of a UFO sighting in Australia the night of the disappearance. Ken Williams, a spokesman for the Department of Transport, told the Associated Press that "it's funny all these people ringing up with UFO reports well after Valentich's disappearance.

Vonynich Manuscript

The Voynich manuscript is a handwritten book thought to have been written in the early 15th century and comprising about 240 vellum pages, most with illustrations. Although many possible authors have been proposed, the author, script, and language remain unknown. It has been described as "the world's most mysterious manuscript".
Generally presumed to be some kind of ciphertext, the Voynich manuscript has been studied by many professional and amateur cryptographers, including American and British codebreakers from both World War I and World War II. Yet it has defied all decipherment attempts, becoming a historical cryptology cause célèbre. The mystery surrounding it has excited the popular imagination, making the manuscript a subject of both fanciful theories and novels.

Taman Shud Case 

The Taman Shud Case, also known as the "Mystery of the Somerton Man", is an unsolved case revolving around an unidentified man found dead at 6:30a.m., December 1, 1948, on Somerton beach in Adelaide, Australia.
Considered "one of Australia's most profound mysteries", the case has been the subject of intense speculation over the years regarding the identity of the victim, the events leading up to his death and the cause of death.
While scrutiny of the case has been mainly centred in Australia, there has also been coverage of the case internationally.

Shadow People

Are supernatural shadow-like figures of both modern folklore and paranormal popular culture that believers describe as dark humanoid forms or evasive specters that are seen mostly in peripheral vision. They are commonly regarded as malicious or evil spirits 

Cash Landrum Incident 

The Cash-Landrum Incident was a reported Unidentified Flying Object sighting from the United States in 1980, which the witnesses insist was responsible for damage to their health. It is one of very few UFO cases to result in criminal court proceedings.
It can be classified as a Close Encounter of the Second Kind, due to its reported physical effects on the witnesses and their automobile.

Hazards of Drinking and Sliding

A few nights ago, after many post work beers, deciding it would be uber cool to slide down the bannister of the enormous escalator at Dublin Heuston station.

In my inebriated state, I neglected to consider the fact that that my cheap work trousers might be made of a fabric more slippery than greased teflon.  I had soon accelerated like a greyhound out of a trap, and by the time I reached the bottom, i must have been doing 20+mph. Launched off the end, through the air landing in a crumpled heap, with torn trousers all witnessed by several hundred people making their way home.

Not my finest moment,

Simpler times.... trip down nostalgia lane

Told my younger cousin last night about having to remember all your friends phone numbers. About a time where you could play outside all day without ending up as a discarded sex toy in a pedophile ring. The poor lad didn't believe me. I genuinely feel sorry for kids born in the last ten years. Their quality of life has diminished so much. No tip the can, british bulldog, kerbs, or builiding tree houses. No scuffed knees or water fights. No bike races down the hill of your estate. Now it's 'who has the highest prestige' on Call of Duty.

It was better when things were on tv just once. You'd make the effort (as if there was much effort aged 12!) to watch the one episode of the New Simpsons on Sunday evening on sky followed by Malcolm in the Middle, you'd look forward to it and enjoy it all the more. Now there must be about six episodes of the Simpsons on daily. Same with football - you'd stay up on a Saturday night to watch it and enjoy it all the more. Now if you miss it, well, screw it cause MOTD2 will have all the goals or Goals on Sunday will be on in the morning, miss that there is always YouTube and sure there's two games on tomorrow anyway for your fix.

I remember there being a Gerard Depardieu season on Channel 4 way back 99. Gerard Depardieu's French films were always good for some tits and fanny. I remember telling my mates in school that they'd be guaranteed to see some, if they watched them.

Anyway, I remember them all tuning in to watch Tenue De Soiree. True to my word, it had lots of sex and nudity. Unfortunately, most of it was male on male shit. As Ged played a massive gayer in the film.. .I still get abuse over it to this day.

Summers were spent outside, all the bloody time. If you were called in by your parents you made a fuss. You'd wake up at 7am on Saturday mornings and watch cartoons. When I talk to my younger cousins they are generally forced to go outside, only to go back in 30 minutes later because everyone is bored out of their minds. They are pale and monosyllabic. I was bouncing off walls (literally) when I was their age and I have a body of scars to prove it from my adventures. I used to love playing a game called Manhunt which involved one kid being chased by about 20 other kids, we were lucky enough to have a big park with a woods right across the road from us. They were pretty small but at a young age they seem as vast as the Amazon Rainforest. Sometimes you couldn't access it because sometimes there was a small river blocking your route in. You had to find rocks big enough that you could stick into the river and then use them as a platform to jump across. There was a shed in the middle of these woods which inevitably led to stories of it being an axe murderer's workshop. Just the typical stuff that gets made up when you're a kid. But nobody would go near it just in case.

My 5 year old niece has an MP3 player, Nintendo DS etc, she probably won't experience anything like growing up in the 90s and early 00's. Damn entertainment on demand culture ruining everything!

Give this 90's songs game a go and see how many you can get

Regale me with awkward experiences with your mate's bird

All round my mate's house. Me, my mate (who's house it was), then  another mate and his girlfriend. So we're all watching footy, playing Fifa, the usual. All of a sudden, the TV goes off. We're wondering what the fuck is happening. She grabbed the remote and turned it off because she wanted to watch Eastenders

We all told her to get to fuck. She then starts having a moan saying that her boyfriend said 'we werent just going to be playing Fifa and CoD'

After a massive fight she turns on his computer, loads up BBC Iplayer and starts watching Eastenders.Why she invites herself over I have no idea.



Same couple about a year ago, house party at the boyfriends house but the evening was ending, my mate had gone to bed and the gf was messing around with the hamster in the kitchen when the dog came in, anyway before anyone managed to get rid of the dog he had a swipe at the hamster, didnt look like he got him but i snatched the hamster bellowing "who let the fucking dog in ?!?!" Before it rather unceremoniously farted its last breath. Motionless in my hand I looked at the gf, who naturally burst into tears.....for about an hour.....Trying to fucking sing it back to life



                                                                             credit card
                                                 loans                              cancer
I stopped hanging round with them after a while, he fell out with a few of my mates over other things so regressed into his own world with her. Thankfully they split though and he has returned to being a fairly decent fellow.

Listening to bands you loved when you were younger

Listened to Hybrid Theory by Linkin Park for the first time in about 5 year's yesterday. Hybrid Theory was top notch, apart from that crappy little musical interlude track thing, and the Jay-Z stuff was brilliant too, but then the next album just seemed pretty much a whole lot of "meh". The song they did with the X-Ecutioners was pure quality mind!

When I got home I spent the next few hours listen to old songs that I loved

So far so good then I got to The Offspring..... Man what a load of fucking shite, That is when I stopped in fear of destroying any more memories. So has any attempted to recapture the sounds of your youth, how does it stand up today?

Pilot leaves it late

Lukla is the world's most dangerous airport apparently

Pets Escaping

When we moved house when I was 8, we didn't have enough space in the car to put two hamster cages in, so we put both hamsters in one cage for the journey. Less than two hours, and they'd shagged and we soon had 8 baby hamsters. My dad was fed up of the hamsters anyway, so he took them all to the pet shop to "donate". Came back, said they'd taken them all, and would re-home them, and that was that.

Fast forward six or seven years, we're all driving past this wasteground near our house, and my dad nudges my mum and says "Imagine if there's thousands of hamsters running around in there right now!"... turns out they wouldn't take the adults because they were too old, so my dad just let them out in the field.


Also, tale of escape: we got a new puppy, Rusty, a few years back. We'd traveled about 200 miles to Cork where the breeder we'd got our last dog was from, my mum "trusted them more". We stayed at my Aunts house overnight. They had a dog too, and in the morning, my uncle had got up early to open the back door and let them out in the garden, then gone back to bed. Somehow, Rusty had managed to get under the gate and went wandering the street. When we found out, we made posters and contacted the local shelters in case he turned up. Luckily, we got a call from a shelter the next day, a couple of hours before we were set to go home

Apparently, upon finding the postman in the street, Rusty had just followed him around for nearly an hour before another man out walking his dogs had found him nearly a mile away from my uncle's house and taken him home. Luckily, the man's next door neighbor worked at the local shelter, and had seen Rusty in the man's back garden and gone round to collect him.


Final story I have is when I went to the cousins house this Christmas, her dog barged his way out the door and headed straight for the woods. I started chasing after him and must have spent about 45 minutes wandering and following any little noises I heard. Then I realised I was lost. I called the cousin who said "the dog is here - where are you?" She had to guide me home.

Tales of travelling hell

I went to Vegas last year, I was suffering with the flu but this trip had been planned for months so there was no chance of canceling it. The flight from Dublin to London was pretty uneventful, on the flight from London to Dallas there was food going around so we had some pizza on board. I probably should have known better than to eat aeroplane food as it was like eating half a loaf of broad which unsettled my stomach a bit. Normally it can be quite painful but this time it was complete agony. It felt like i'd been stabbed. We were queuing up to go through customers and I was sitting on my knees on the floor doubled over in pain.

We then had to wait three hours at Dallas airport for our connecting flight which was spent in and out of the toilet throwing up from both ends. Then a four/five hour flight to Vegas which was spent in severe pain. Then at Vegas we had to wait an hour for our bags and again I was sitting on the floor with everybody looking at me.

The only good thing to come out of the trip was that we were able to book into our hotel from the airport. The receptionist saw the state I was in and upgraded our room to a suite. I managed to get some sleep at the hotel and I was fine the next day. I'm lucky I was with the family, if it was a mates holiday I'd probably just be abandoned when they saw me in the fetal position.

Rare Pictures Of Celebrities

Hunter S. Thompson, John Cusack, Johnny Depp and blow up doll - out for a drive

Promo pic from The Outsiders.

,

Ralph Macchino, Matt Dillion, Emilio Esteves, Patrick Swyze, Tom Cruise, Rob Lowe. 1983.

Bearing in mind just how many young 'soon to be big' actors were in the movie there must be many more cracking pictures from the set around somewhere.

The Beatles, taken just before the famous Abbey Road picture.

Elvis and his dad.

Steve Martin........erm, ironing a kitten.

Jackson 5 and Bob Marley

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Wilt Chamberlain and Andre the Giant

Micheal Jackson and two midgets

Tupac & Suge Knight playing Sonic the Hedgehog 2

Bob Dylan and Mohammed Ali

Ever been attacked by an animal?

I was walking home from the pub one night, drunk and happy when I saw a skunk rummaging through a pile of leaves. I was all excited, first time I'd seen one so I walked over to have a closer look. He just ignored me and acted like i wasn't there, drunk, indignant , annoyed at being ignored, I stamped my foot to get some attention...little fuck ran at me. In my effort to run away I tripped on the curb and fell into the side of a parked car.

Didn't get attacked by them but while trekking in Canada my mate and I climbed a large rock to chill in the sun and eat our sandwiches, when I say large I mean maybe 16 feet high, we'd been up there when a pack of Timberwolves came out of the forest and started wandering round the rock looking at us, one or two tried to climb up the first bit but couldn't.

All our gear including our cameras and two rifles were at the bottom. Obviously we were shitting ourselves but there was nothing we could do, we just had to wait it out, 5 hours we sat there til they'd all gone, we did get a pic of one we saw a bit later.

Also I tell this to people but no-one ever believes me, a raccoon threw an apple at me about 3 years ago.

Good Documentary

Academy Award-winning documentary filmmaker, Jean-Xavier de Lestrade, presents a gripping courtroom thriller, offering a rare and revealing inside look at a high-profile murder trial. In 2001, author Michael Peterson was arraigned for the murder of his wife Kathleen, whose body was discovered lying in a pool of blood on the stairway of their home. Granted unusual access to Peterson's lawyers, home and immediate family, de Lestrade's cameras capture the defense team as it considers its strategic options. "The staircase" is an engrossing look at contemporary American justice that features more twists than a legal bestseller.

IMDb: 8.6 

For anyone who want's to see it

Don't read anything about the case, just watch it and then you can make a decision yourself. I can't recommend it highly enough, one of the best documentaries I have ever seen.

Facts that you have learnt through your own stupidity

Throughout time man has discovered, and evolved upon the shoulders of stupid people. What fruits and seeds are poisonous, whether you can wrestle a shark, and that sticking your penis in a hoover doesn't really simulate a good romp.

So post what you have learnt through your own acts of idiocy, forgetfulness and general will to explore the boundaries of man, nature and the universe.

Here's a few of my own:

1) Putting arm bands on your ankles when you are 7 and jumping into the pool will result in you nearly drowning and needing to be saved by the lifeguard

2) Don't wash the u-bend out in the sink you are unblocking.

3) You may like bacon, and you may like curry, but you will NOT like bacon curry.

4) That if a mouse somehow manages to get in the tubing of your washing machine, turning it on may be one way of lazily resolving the problem. However, after going away for a few days and returning to the house, your entire kitchen may be infested with about 200 flies, and replacing the food and having to bleach the entire place, cutlery etc may cost more than a mousetrap. You'll also feel amazingly guilty at your method of vermicide

5) Holding your mouth shut so you dont puke means it just comes out your nose

Libyan Rebels.

Has there ever been a shittier rebel army than this Libyan rabble. Fucking shambles.

Every day I see these guys running around the desert in trackies, going mental for the cameras, shooting all their ammo in the air and dancing around on tanks.  Then the minute the other lot shoot back they all panic and beat a hasty retreat in pick-up trucks.

We've effectively allied ourselves with the keystone kops!


There is no organisation on the ground from the rebels and the only way they can possibly win is if the coalition sends in ground troops.

This constant revision of what can and can't be done to help the rebels seem a bit ominous? No fly zone becomes bombing shit out of Gaddaffi becomes arming rebels could become send troops to "train" rebels.

Idiot workmates....

So I was doing work placement last year, the Irish Times ran a story about the Spire in Dublin saying it was dismantled overnight, shipped to The States, and then re-built in Vegas. They showed a picture of a hole in the ground (which came from when it was being constructed initially), and also a photoshopped image of it forming part of the Vegas skyline. Yes, the date was April 1st.

My boss, a qualified accountant, couldn't quite grasp this, got a bit hysterical saying "Oh my god, the spire is gone!". I don't think I ever respected her after that.


The same place at Christmas had a pub quiz type thing in the office, I wound up on the same team as two lads who are spectacularly stupid about every single thing in life with the exception of the job they've miraculously found.

Anyway, one jokey sort of question was "which part of a man's body gets ten times bigger when he gets excited." cue a few laughs and the obvious guesses at pupil and so on.

The best guess they could manage, out of everything you could possibly think of, was 'brain.' they honestly thought this might be correct.

The correct answer, for those that care, is the pupil.

So I'm at the gym today....

I don't take the gym seriously, it isn't my life, far from it in fact. I go for 45 minutes before university to do some training to keep me fit for football and since I started I've seen some startling sights in my time. A guy playing game boy sat on an excersise bike for example, women reading magazines on weight lifting benches, many people talking on the phone but this one takes the biscuit.

I was half way through my routine, streaming with sweat and struggling and noticed someone sat next to me on the bike, I look over and was actually startled, I stopped peddling and stared at this fat clown peddling about 10rpm with a KFC burger and a drink. It completely knocked me off my stride. . . in fact it ruined it, I had to get off five minutes later as my shock turned into disgust. Honestly what's the point in wasting the money. The clown probably tells people he's really trying his hardest and cant understand why he's gaining weight.


Speaking of gyms, I joined the gym a good few years back with a a mate of mine. It was one of those where you pay the entire year up front, anyway, we joined, went along one night after school for our first workout and hit the cardio room, both of us on a treadmill, I was only on the treadmill for 10 mins by which time he's gone through the whole lot of cardio equipment and told me he was off to the weights room....

5 minutes later he returned, bottle of coke from the machine in hand, saying "theres some big bastards in there"...And then told me he'd done enough!

Spoke to him the day after in class and he'd called at the chippy on the way home for tea as well, I never saw him again at the gym!

Tales of drunken behaviour

We've all been there, we've all had moment that we would like to forget caused by alcohol.

First night out of the new term and I hadn't drunk in about a month, nor had I eaten much that day, so it was never going to end well.

Went out with my mate, his bird, and his bird's mate to a bar in Galway. After a rather large amount of alcohol in a relatively short time, I was drunk. Looking back, my memory cut out around midnight. It was one of those odd moments where one minute I was in the bar having fun, the next I was waking up.

Except, I wasn't waking up in my bed. I was waking up on the floor of my room. I had no idea what the fuck I was doing on the floor as the bed was literally a foot away. I peeled my face from the carpet and looked round. My room was completely empty. I'm talking curtains, bed covers, sheets, absolutely everything. It was just me, in the middle of the floor of an empty room.

I thought I'd been hit by the world's most thorough burglars.

For about 10 seconds I was in blind panic and confusion, until I got up to check the kitchen and spotted the note pinned to the inside of the door. "We've left you here. We don't want to talk to you". It turns out I'd drunk myself unconscious, and had to be dragged up 4 flights of stairs, whereby I'd been simply left in a spare room on the other side of campus.

I'd also apparently been going to the bar having run out of money, ordering my drinks, then ordering the bar maid to put it on the tab. There was no tab.

Bad Neighbours

Loud music until about 2am, irritating yes but I'm not one to talk. However going out into his garden at 6am with some loud mouthed girl blabbering at top of their voices about the new HD television she's going buy - pretty annoying. 

I wish I said something but its tricky though isn't it. You don't want to come across as the arsehole that comes around to complain about the noise. Clearly the best course of action is to moan about it anonymously on the internet.

Being a bit of a gutless coward confrontation is not much of an option. Does anyone have much experience dealing with bad neighbours?

Dating someone with a disability?

Last weekend I was in a nightclub in Dublin where a group of guys in electric wheelchairs were wheeling around the dance floor (not synchronized). One of them couldn't speak but he had a little screen to type on. I noticed he was talking to an attractive bird, he typed something along the lines of 'I might be disabled but my cock is fully active if you want to find out later. 

Anyway this got me thinking about dating a girl with a disability. I used to quite fancy a barmaid in my local who has a wonky leg. When she walks behind the bar she moves up and down all the time like its really uneven behind it. She is an attractive girl and really nice but I don't think I could be able to get the messed up leg out of my mind.  

So has anyone ever had an encounter with someone with a disability or would you be able to handle dating someone with a disability?

I hope you had a better night than me

It was pissing rain last night so my 5 a-side football match was canceled. With nothing to do me and a friend went to see the film Battle: Los Angeles

Utter abortion of a film - I can't believe nobody realised just how shit it was while they were making it. It had absolutely nothing going for it apart from how laughably terrible it is. Horrific script that was probably just copied and pasted from other disaster films and a narrative that was so untidy you wonder how they stumbled to the "conclusion" they did.

You know how this movie ends before you even buy your ticket, but I won't give it away. All I will say is there's a moment in the movie where it should end (all of the pointless, retarded narrative threads have a possible chance of being tied up at this point) but the director clearly found some money in a drawer somewhere and decided some more shit needed blowing up. So he adds another 45 minutes to this bloated joke of a film.

I wasn't expecting Citizen Kane, but I at least wanted Deep Impact. Truly shocking. 2/10

So I get home at around 11pm and see that The Happening is about to start. Now I had never seen The Happening before but I'd heard how bad is was meant to be, having seen one terrible film I thought what the hell how could this be any worse..........

The worst films I have ever seen, and I've seen Torque. Dialogue was terrible, so many characters who drifted in and out of the story while adding absolutely nothing to it and as for the main characters. This was my face while watching it:

I honestly can't work out what M. Night Shamalamalamalan was trying to do with it. It felt as though he was making a ham-fisted "nature is all-powerful and will beat man when it wants to". What a thunderingly shit film. 

1/10 that one point is because you get to look at Zooey Deschanel.

After last night I am truly losing the will to live.

Stories of embarrassing yourself

I was late for a lecture but had not got the e-mail that the room had been changed, So I opened the door only to realise I'd walked into the wrong room, say "Sorry", some people started laughing and I got a bit embarrassed. So I go into the next room along, but I'd forgotten it's actually another door into the same room, so I  interrupt the lecture again and sees the same people yet again but from a different angle, cue everyone (lecturer included) pissing themselves laughing.......


Cheer me up with similar stories you might have.

Moments in your life where you have been filled with dread

I've had a few and there's no worse feeling - that sinking in the pit of your stomach. The worst is when you know you've done something, know you're going to get into shit for it but aren't quite sure when it is going to happen.

In my case getting robbed in work ( an off-licence) when I was 19. Some bollox came into the shop with a hammer, started smashing the counter and screaming at me to "get him the fucking till". Which I did, fully expecting him to go be on his way but.he wasn't content with just threatening me with a hammer though. To add insult to injury, on his way out the door with his loot he lobbed a few bottles of wine at me, just for giggles.

On a serious note , I remember as a child being filled with dread as I road my bicycle towards a kerb. That's not very exciting, I hear you scream, but in my case I was riding no handed and had a 99 Ice Cream (with flake) in each hand. I realised I wasn't going to make it up the curb without lifting the handle bars and proceeded to stack the bike and cover myself in Ice Cream. I think I cried as well.

So anyone have an examples of when you have been filled with utter dread?