What is the worst thing you've ever done to another human?

Sunday 29 May 2011
Sent a girl I knew at Uni a present for her birthday party. Knew she'd open it at the party.

It was a "pass the parcel" style present, wrapped in about 8 layers of wrapping paper. There were rumours she was a lesbian and she was really aggressive, and had cock blocked me in 1st year, stopping me from getting with an incredibly hot French/Swedish girl I was infatuated with, just because she fancied her (I think), and started spreading malicious rumours about me (that I had tried to get in to their student house when they were all asleep)

Watched as her fat dungareed face shone with delight as she unravelled each layer of wrapping paper, shrieking with excitement as she delved deeper and deeper into the pile of multi coloured delights.

The very last layer was wrapped in pictures of attractive women/celebrities cut from Heat/Hello magazine, which she laughed her portly, red gob off over, then she unwrapped it to reveal the coup de grace.

A piece of card with the words "FAT LEZZER" written on it in tampons stuck on with super glue)

I felt bad the moment she started WAILING, and I do mean wailing, right in the middle of her party. She made everyone go home. We all carried on to the pub and had a great night without her.

I'm not even sorry

Odd things that you do when alone

Wednesday 25 May 2011
Sometimes when I'm cooking I pretend I'm a TV chef, and talk to myself as I prepare the food.

''ok so now I'm going to add 2 eggs and flour, and fold in the butter....then we're going to pour it into the baking tray and pop it in the oven....'' (20 minutes later) .......''ooook and heres one we made earlier''


I like to dance my way into rooms


I  like to shout my dogs name then look away ignoring it, making him feel stupid. Recently one of our neighbors caught me banging on the window and giving the cat a wanker gesture when it looked.

What's the most excruciating thing you've ever experienced?

Monday 23 May 2011
Dislocated my hip playing rugby...looked a little like this


Imagine someone holding your body and puling your leg out of the socket and then waiting half an hour for the ambulance, got the maximum dosage of morphine for a child under 16 though


Or coming down from a bad acid trip



The come down after 5 days on Morphine after having all four wisdom teeth out in the one session (which also entailed the dentist having to break my jaw to get the bottom ones out) was pretty horrific....

But the worst has to be when I caught Anterior Uveitis, basically the Iris of my left eye stuck to the Lens and therefore couldn't close in daylight, the headaches were excruciating, all treatments weren't working and after two weeks the hospital took the last option of injecting a fluid into my eye, no aneasthetic, needle into eyeball... pain like you can never imagine.. I fainted...

Glitches in the Matrix

Thursday 19 May 2011
Today I was playing Football Manager and clicked on Steven Gerrard's profile, did a quick scan of his personal page where his agent's name was given as Adam Brooks. At that exact moment BBC News cut to one of their reporters, whose name was Adam Brooks.




A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to a friend who had just been to a job interview. He said one of the questions was,' what's the most impressive thing you have ever done?' He said jokingly, (to me not at the interview) I had 8 wanks in a day once. Later that day at the pub he was talking about it, and said that question that they asked. Another guy, who had absolutely no way of knowing, said, what did you say, that you had 8 wanks in a day? Literally word for word. What are the chances of that? Plus, just after we first had the conversation we were walking down the street talking about some random girl we both hadn't seen for ages and we looked up and she was walking towards us.. and this is in the center of Dublin not some small town.


I look at the clock 13:37 every day, without fail.


I call my entire life shenanigans designed by sentient machines. I want out. Anyone have similar experiences?

The Future Is Now! (new inventions that are amazing)

Saturday 14 May 2011
Artificial Solar Leaf

 


An artificial leaf that mimics the process of photosynthesis. This technology broke news a few weeks ago and will possibly change the world.
One can envision villages in India and Africa not long from now purchasing an affordable basic power system based on this technology,” Nocera said





Printing A Human Kidney




A 3D printer that uses living cells to output a transplantable kidney. Using similar technology, Dr. Atala's young patient Luke Massella received an engineered bladder 10 years ago.






Human Exoskeletons



Eythor Bender of Berkeley Bionics brings onstage two amazing exoskeletons, HULC and eLEGS -- robotic add-ons that could one day allow a human to carry 200 pounds without tiring, or allow a wheelchair user to stand and walk






Flexible Transistors






This technology will completely change the computing/digital world as we know it once fully developed. Devices that were once specialized: GPS, television, home computers, cell phones, PC's, game systems, paper and pencil, schoolbooks and more will all be packaged in one device and this technology is key to that end.










Brain-Machine Interface






A machine and human cooperation beyond today's borders. The potential applications for this seem almost endless. Pretty surreal to think they are working on technology we can control with our thoughts. I mean, really? That sounds like something only found in science fiction






Bio-Gel Fridge



This fridge makes use of a special gel-like substance to keep your food cold and fresh. The substance is odorless and non-sticky so you can put things in and take them out just as they were, without having any additional greens on your food.




I'm At The Bus Stop.....

Tuesday 10 May 2011
The place I work I get a lift home now and again from one of the blokes that worked there, he has a red Montego if I remember correctly. Anyway I'm at the bus stop and a red Montego pulls up alongside, me thinking it was this bloke didn't think twice, got into the car and sat down, looked up at a total stranger who then asked me for directions to some place or other, thing is I didn't apologise or explain my mistake, just gave him the directions and then got out the car as if it was the most natural thing in the world, God knows what he thought of me.

Things That Live Up To The Hype

Sunday 8 May 2011
HD TV - Didn't really appericate this until last week when for some unknown reason we had 2 tvs showing the Real Madrid - Barcelona game, one in HD the other in standard. The difference is unreal. Point is you really need to see them side by side to appreciate.


Berlin - Massive expectations when I went there for the first time on account of the way people raved about it, I was there for a week and loved every second of it.


Leo Messi - Was labelled the next Maradona. He is now much better than Diego ever was. He has exceeded hype.


Kanye West's newest album - Hyped by every critic and the man himself, and then became my favourite album of last year.


Anyone else have any examples of stuff that lives up to the hype?

Moments Of Culinary Shame

Thursday 5 May 2011
Got home one night with a extreme case of the munchies. My fat roommate had eaten us out of house and home. All that was left was a tin of corned beef.

Went to open it and saw that the key was missing. Tried to use a carving knife to cut the end off, failed miserably, knife slipped off the tin and sliced my finger open. Undeterred I dressed my gaping bloody wound with a bus ticket and continued to eat the corned beef by forcing a single chopstick into the small hole I had managed to make and eating what I could scrape out on the end of the chopstick.



Another night I really had bad munchies.

All I had was half a cabbage. I ate it all.

The worst thing was that after I'd finished I took a swig of cola and my mouth felt like it was exploding with hot sharp knives.

Holiday Stories

Monday 2 May 2011
My family use to go to a place in Spain called Mojacar for two weeks pretty much every summer, there were a few families who like us used to go every year who we were friendly with after the many summers spent together. There was this one girl who had properly developed over the last year since I saw her and decided it was my mission to lose my virginity to her that summer (just like an American pie movie lolz) so after a few days of flirting we had arranged to go swimming. Well I got to the pool a little late and just assumed she was already inside and after a quick look around I thought I saw her, she didn't see me, so I thought it would be a right laugh to sneak up on her and push her in the pool.

So I went into full stealth mode, jumping over sun loungers to get into position and found what I thought was the best angle and pounced, ran at her full pelt and launched her into the middle of the pool. I burst out laughing at what I thought was a brilliant bit of mischief when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I turned around... it was her... the girl I just pushed into the pool... well, at least the girl I thought I had just pushed into the pool...

"Why did you just push that girl into the pool!?"

I froze, this girl looked the spitting image of the girl I was trying to do the dirty with from behind, even had the same bikini and it was at this moment she surfaced... to make matters worse, she was on the phone at the time, which was now ruined.

I felt sick and had no idea what to say and unfortunately all that came out of my mouth was

"She should have watched where she was going..."

I then made a swift exit and ended up going for a long walk on my own out of shame and refused to go back to the pool ever again..