Brushes With The Law

Tuesday, 26 April 2011
When I was 17 and on holiday in Germany, I was on a night out in town with a few of the lads. Once we'd left the Irish bar (shithole of a place, but everyone else loved it), everyone was dillydallying about where to go next and I was desperate for a piss. When a decision didn't seem to be forthcoming, I nipped down the nearest side alley.

Once back with the group, they'd come to a conclusion and we moved on. Just as I was going through the door, I felt a hand on my shoulder which I just shrugged off. However, one of the doormen stopped me and turned me around, to see two of Germany's finest asking me outside for a chat. Turned out that they weren't too happy with me taking a piss down the side of the street, not so much for the fact that it was anti-social, more for the fact that the building I'd relieved myself on was their station.

They took my details. I spent the next month waiting for a letter from the Stadt Polizei to drop onto the doormat, and beating my parents to the post each and every time it arrived. After that I realised that it was unlikely that anything would arise.

Barnsley (I think, some lower league mob anyway) had just humbled Liverpool out of the F.A. Cup with a last-gasp winner. Me and a few friends, drunk on the romance of the cup and alcohol, decided that this would be an opportune time to have a kickabout ourselves. Only slight problem was that I was living in Taipei at the time, a city not renowned for its open spaces. Plus it was gone midnight.

Cue us breaking into a primary school to have a game in the playground . What made it worse was that this was the first time I'd kicked a ball in months due to a fairly serious ankle injury . 15 minutes later about half a dozen of Taipei's finest arrive, most armed with cameras to record us and one big fat prick armed only with bad English and an incredibly angry demeanour. Carted off to the station and only let out a few hours later. Our team had a game the next morning at 9.30am which we somehow didn't lose despite most of the team severely lacking in sleep.


  1. Remi said...:

    LOL, well sometimes that's what you get even for little things like pissing in the street.

  1. you have to be careful mate!

  1. Ha crazy, i'd be scared to get in trouble with the law of another country

  1. yeah, cops tend to get mad when you pee on their building

  1. Skeng said...:

    LOL you get upto some crazy stuff

  1. after3 said...:

    That would have been a nail bitter. a3

  1. Hannah said...:

    ha, reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where they're all trapped in a parking garage. peeing is dangerous, man!

  1. -E- said...:

    wait...are you a liverpool fan? there's so much we could have been talking about!

  1. Anonymous said...:

    Oh, that's pretty shitty man. In my country - you can piss anywhere you want :D

  1. Ambi said...:

    Haha, so the police got you :) next time piss under a table in the bar xD

  1. SOMS said...:

    care bears for playing some football..

  1. B Jeezy said...:

    sounds like a fun time man

  1. Moobeat said...:

    breaking the law! breaking the law!

  1. Jim said...:

    I never had any serious brush with the law, only minor ones.

  1. Randy! said...:

    What a story, lol

  1. Al3xaG said...:

    Lol I wouln't like seeing that happening on my building either

  1. AP0976 said...:

    Oh wow, those German officers were pretty cool letting you go like that after relieving yourself on their station

  1. hahah i would have been quite unimpressed

  1. Mike said...:

    haha! sounds like you're quite the hooligan ;)

  1. KillerKun said...:

    EFF the police dude!!

  1. KillerKun said...:

    Lol just kidding! e__e!

  1. Anonymous said...:

    haha, when you gotta go, you gotta go

  1. I've been doing for breaking into a school to have a kick around. Didn't get in trouble too much but had to sit explaining to the cops for a very long time about how i was just having some fun and not doing graffiti

  1. Anonymous said...:

    Gotta do this stuff while you're young and people are more forgiving. Once you hit 21, people suddenly don't have so much tolerance for shenanigans such as these =P

  1. Ephedrine said...:

    Have a similar story to yours;

    I was down at a show venue, waiting in line for the show (shithole as well), and had to piss. There is a huge adjacent bellsouth(local phone service) building to the right of me. I walk over to it and start pissing in a corner. I see a little black kid yell, "I'm going to tell on you!" and I flicked him off.

    I walk back into the line and notice a security woman walking through the line, trying to find the person who pissed on the building.

    Well, she found me. When she did I apologized, and she said, "thats fucking disgusting."

    scott free. :)

  1. Wes said...:

    Very nice haha

  1. that was so funny! haha. great stuff!

  1. I don't mind fucking with the cops of my state, but I'd be scared if it was a cop from another country.

  1. MJ to IM said...:

    i hate cops! they are just kids who got beat up in high school and are on a power trip!

  1. they just wanted to scare you ;)

  1. PIX said...:

    crazy situations danny!:-)

    Thanks for the comment!


  1. ds said...:

    Haha. You chose the right spot to go for a piss. :D

  1. Stare Dad said...:

    lol, uve been in some wacky stuff lol

  1. evldmn said...:

    Well, you shouldn't piss on public places in western Europe, if u wanna piss come to Bulgaria you can piss everywhere u want here.

  1. Janez said...:

    YEY, the improtant thing is that you won :D

  1. Pentele said...:

    The Germans really are strict about these matters, good thing it all went well for you.

  1. Legnox said...:

    Ahhhh that is some terrible luck xD I think i'd be pretty pissed off (lol) if someone took a piss on my building x)

  1. Well now I know not to urinate on random buildings lol

  1. Erasmus said...:

    hahaha, seriously laughed at this. And you didn't even get in trouble, so just win all around.

  1. Haha dude sounds like you need to lay low for a while.

  1. Haha, I've had quite a few brushes with the law myself.

  1. Jay Reid said...:

    LOL has happened to me too.

  1. HiFi said...:

    Haha that's pretty f'in cool your team won a game after. Success story right there.

  1. This is why I never piss on buildings.

  1. hoaks2 said...:

    Good stories man! I like the idea of pissing on a police station. If you are gonna go, might as well go big.

  1. LOL this is too great a read

  1. Anonymous said...:

    nah! you made that up!

  1. Azoo said...:

    WOW the poor pilot lmao.

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