Tales Of Interview Woes

Friday, 22 April 2011
My worst interview was a group assessment for teaching English in Taiwan. My group comprised of students and recent graduates (about 20-21 years old) had half an hour to come up with a lesson plan. Straight away some prick decides he's the boss and decides for us that we're doing it on London landmarks. Being the only one from London, we look to him to come up with ideas beyond Big fucking Ben, red buses and parliament. He’s stumped. Two more decide they're now the leaders so the half an hour is spent as an apprentice-style power struggle between three gobshites, with me and the other fella trying desperately to keep us on topic and within the allotted time. Thankfully someone was assessing all of this...


Eventually got some crap written down but we didn't have time to decide what we were presenting - then we had to present in front of 20-odd people. I had no idea what I was presenting and I really, really wanted the job so I was nervous as hell. Of course, the gobshites presented perfectly while I was a gibbering wreck. The other lad was left with about 5 words to say at the end. I was nearly sick after the assessment and was absolutely gutted with how it had gone.



Then came the interview where they asked us how the group assessment went. In a dignified way I built the group up, concentrated on the strengths and shit sandwiched the fuck out of it by saying what I would have done differently, got the ideas I didn't have time to express out of the way then went on to give the interview of my life and passed the assessment.




Another experience,  I'm certain I was denied a few interviews as I once sent about 50 copies of my CV to various law firms where I had opened my personal statement "I am a confident, outgoing individual who enjoys a challenge and is not afraid to shirk responsibility." I've no idea why I wrote that or how I failed to pick up on it upon proof-reading, but my housemate at the time spotted it a couple of weeks later when I voiced to him my confusion as to why no-one had contacted me yet about an interview.




Not sure how true this is but it makes me laugh so I'll post it. A mate of mine is a recruitment consultant, he tells me that mental candidates are the biggest positive of the job

According to him he once sent a candidate for an interview with Barcap in London.

"Do you have a new suit?" He asked the candidate, "Oh yes, I've just got mine back from the dry cleaners."
"Brilliant" He answered "Wear that suit, try and look professional"

Client calls to give him feedback

"Well, it was a new experience"

"Why?" He answered "You've interviewed loads of my candidates"

"But none of them ever wore a Tuxedo to the interview before"

77 comments:

  1. Nina said...:

    I'm so bad at interviews.

  1. i HATE group interviews :(

  1. omg that is too funny!

  1. Kaneda said...:

    Yeah, the tuxedo for an interview has style!

  1. these stories are great

  1. AP0976 said...:

    group interviews suck

  1. Janez said...:

    and not a single f*ck was given that day, lol

  1. Footy said...:

    well,at lest he didnt wear a pimp suit at least lol

  1. Interviews are the most ridiculous ways to assess people imaginable. There's no point trying to find a person's good points if they feel the need to alter everything they do to please the interviewer!

  1. Cayven said...:

    Great blog post AGAIN dude! I HATE INTERVIEWS! I once walked out during one, I had to first see the I.T Manager for the first 30mins, take a 15mins break then go get interviewed by the M.D. Long story short the I.T Manager talked to me like a piece of shit so while waiting for the next interview, I just walked out of the place, back to my car, rolled a spliff and drove home. Sorry for the life story! KEEP POSTING MAN, love your blog Danny! IWMAB :D

  1. #19 said...:

    Group interviews are the absolute worst! There is always (at least) one dipshit who thinks he is the leader and tries to micromanage everything that gets done. Then if it goes well they try and take credit for it, but if it's a giant clusterfuck they blame everyone else but themselves... brutal stuff

  1. SOMS said...:

    i hate those dushebags who want to do their shit only and actually just suck..

  1. POP! said...:

    rofl nice tuxedo yo! ive been doing tons of interviews lately as well, and boy do i have some stories

  1. I absolutely hate those interviews, I get nervous and start to make mistakes ='(

  1. Jim said...:

    I don't like doing group presentations with a very short preparation time, gets very messy.

  1. -E- said...:

    "not afraid to shirk responsibility". classic lol. what word did you even mean?

  1. Stare Dad said...:

    "But none of them ever wore a Tuxedo to the interview before" <- I have

  1. ds said...:

    Haha nice one with the CV. :D And one more here who hates those interviews.

  1. Mexikola said...:

    Pretty interesting story. I hate interviews!

  1. Jay Reid said...:

    lol I normally get a few different people to proof read for me, assuming i'm not in a hurry

  1. Insider33 said...:

    I'm always awkward in interviews and I hate it.

  1. Ozzy said...:

    I hate interviews generally, but group ones arent that bad.

  1. JayPower said...:

    Interviews arent that bad! The more you do in life the easier it becomes ;D

  1. Only just saw the one about the tuxedo... I lol'd.

  1. John said...:

    Always better to represent you and only you in my opinion. Sorry you got stuck in that situation.

  1. fit4life said...:

    dress in a tuxedo, leave an impression, get hired!

  1. Matthew C said...:

    If you're wearing a tuxedo to an interview for someone who stresses business casual, you're probably doing it wrong.

    It's best to maintain a clean and professional image (relative to the occupation you are pursuing.

  1. this was very interesting. Please continue blogging!

  1. Al3xaG said...:

    It must be really frustrating to organize something with 3 people acting like a boss

  1. Scrogglez said...:

    interviews are harsh, most people doing the interviews lack proper training or they get off topic too fast or something.

    been interviewed by people taht seemed unsure about what they were even interviewing for.

    8sigh

  1. sandman said...:

    haha i've had a similar experience with my cv, sent in a draft which had "didn't do very much work here" underneath one of my old jobs!

  1. Boertjie said...:

    Hate it when people tries to boss me around.. cool site.. Following

  1. Reminds me of step brothers, when they dress up for a job interview

  1. Moobeat said...:

    i hate group work as well >.> frustrating

  1. Kingmush said...:

    Always freeze up at interviews. D:

  1. Jordan said...:

    Ah, group interviews. You have to have the perfect balance of "leader" and "follower" to do well on those. I always laugh my ass off that the douchebags who try to take charge yet fail miserably.

  1. Piets said...:

    Lmao, god i hate interviews...

  1. SweetShop said...:

    You shall not be scared of interviews, just be self-confident. :)

  1. ughh I hate interviews, I always get nervous. I just had a scholarship one and it didn't go as well as planned.

  1. Hate interviews. In 90% of cases people are just saying whatever they think the interviewee wants to hear.

  1. Kempai said...:

    Yep, interviews can be pretty disheartening if they don't go too well. I know failed a recent phone interview I did :(

  1. CPH said...:

    I really enjoyed reading this. Keep up the good work. Very informative.

  1. i am always super nervous at such stuff

  1. interesting stuff. very good read man!

  1. I always fail at interviews,No matter how much I try and practice I slip up.

  1. interviews are nerve wrecking!

  1. HiFi said...:

    I would clothesline those wannabe leaders and lead the group for ice cream and sherbet. Cooler minds brainstorm more efficiently.

  1. Interviews are such bs.

  1. KillerKun said...:

    Dude i had an interview pretty much like yours in Axa e___e!

  1. taylor said...:

    I hate it when, even if I'm talking about something I know, I get nervous and lose confidence...same thing happens on math tests, I find myself checking every simple thing twice and with a calculator.

  1. i feel your pain i hate interviews

  1. Legnox said...:

    I only had one interview... Nearly shit myself in neverousness. ahahahahahaaha

  1. JuX said...:

    great stories. I hate when you get those sort of people in your group though.

  1. HaigoR said...:

    really? a tuxedo? that's got to be embarrassing for the poor guy. I still laughed tho :p I had to do a group interview with Apple, bombed so hard.

  1. Interviews are cake :D

  1. thanks for the smile!

  1. higherr said...:

    Haha thats funny, great read

  1. Pyrotrees said...:

    yeah interviews suck

  1. Mike said...:

    Tuxedo? Lmao nice job man!

  1. Aaron said...:

    jesus, i wish they just gave me the job... i know for sure im more qualified than any others XP

  1. All the craziest stories start in Taiwan. :P

  1. Shaft said...:

    I hate going to interviews. :/ so stressful.

  1. Erika said...:

    Oh man I hate interviews. Not that I've had a lot of experience with them or anything cus I never even get to that stage -_-

    But that Tuxedo Guy is hilarious XD

  1. Surely a tuxedo would garentee him the job :P
    Great post!

  1. Blk Jesus said...:

    good job sounds like u pulled through in the end. lol at the tuxedo

  1. Triper said...:

    Nice reading my friend, thanks.

  1. Dootzkie said...:

    Try to stand out, but in a positive way. Tux could do the trick, but then again it might seem that you don't have a proper suite and that you are using something that is a left over from a special celeb ages ago. Best of luck

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